the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
