okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
