Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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