Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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