u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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