i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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