at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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