I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
