I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
