what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
