I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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