Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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