Don't you send me to vm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
