At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
