I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
