Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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