that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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