and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
