I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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