And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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