: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
