I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
