Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize