This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
