She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
