Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
