Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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