At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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