he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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