the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
