Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
