After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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