i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
