ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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