Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
