you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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