I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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