He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
