I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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