Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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