is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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