Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
