She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
