So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
