I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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