She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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