so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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