Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am available for nakedness
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
