Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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