Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
