I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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