he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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