In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
