I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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