I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
