Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
