i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
two words...techno handjob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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