Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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