Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
