But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize