You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
