fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
