Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I smell like Dick and happiness
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
