Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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