then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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