Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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