i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
