you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize