I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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