I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
