My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
