I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
